Had I Loved You

I have desired you more
and wanted you longer
than anything else in my short life,
but I have not loved you enough.
Not loved you enough to recognize
that you are not me;
your sun does not
rise and set on me;
your dreams and ambitions
do not include me.
I have been at the periphery
of your unshared desires
waiting for your love to arise:
a convenience, an annoyance
a rule maker, a ball breaker
inadequate as a wife and mother
but good for a roll in the hay
when your sun shines.
Life is too short, like me
and the time for remedy is at hand.
Perhaps I have not loved me enough.